Notes on Parenting

I was watching TV recently when one of those overly dramatic Carter's commercials came on.  It was rather lengthy.  You know, one of those tear jerker commercials that makes those that have kids feel gooey inside, those that can't have kids probably feel kicked in the stomach.  What stuck in my head was the last line.  I'm not sure if this is exactly how it went, but it's what I remembered the next day while in church, "the day I became yours is the day you became mine."

So I painted it.    With my favorite flower the daisy.  I've found in my 13 years as a parent that parenting is hard.  It is.  No lie.  There are ebs and flows of good, bad and ugly.  We are in the coasting mode right now with ours.  Ages 11 and 13 they are pleasant enough to be around.  Haha...no really they are.  Now do I wish they'd help out around the house more?  yes.  Do they need to be less "I want, I want, I want."?  yes.  Do I feel like a taxi cab much of the time? yes.  But overall, I'd say the Horne household is a happy, pleasant place to be. 

The day Mailey and William entered our lives they became ours.  Forever.  The day I entered my parent's lives I became theirs forever, and them mine.  Unfortunately my side of the family is no longer intact though.  And despite every effort to be open to this new way of life my heart is beginning to really struggle with it.  I'm feeling less a part of what it means to be a real family and am doing more to please this side and please that side.  And I always feel like a failure.  I'm kinda tired of it.  So after a rather unpleasant encounter I've made a personal decision.  My family....including Mailey, William, Billy and all our 4-leggeds will be first and foremost.  I'm going to stop complaining about being a taxi.  I'm going to teach them how to be better family stewards.  And I'm going to move forward.  Because I can not change the path others are on.  And although they will be mine forever, and I theirs, I do not have to compromise my happiness anymore.  Nor am I going to feel guilty for saying no.  Because the bottom line is who I am in the Horne house will make an impact on who they become later in life.  And I want more than anything in this whole world for my Mailey and my William to look back on their childhood and remember a mother who was kind, nurturing and always there.  They are mine, and I am theirs.  Always. 

Cherish Them...I mean you

Originally posted 8.25.2010

I've always loved getting the mail.  Opening the squeaky metal mailbox to find all the different papers, envelopes, and magazines...ooo it just puts my senses into overload.  Of course most of the mail is really not that fun anymore.  Just bills, stuff for the Honorable of the house and of course tons of junk mail.  But it still thrills me to walk down and get it.  It also helps that this time of year my lantana is growing OUT of control around the mailbox and just knowing how much that ticks my mean mail lady off gives me a giggle.  That's really bad, isn't it?

Yep.  We are now at an age of emails, twitters and facebooking our friends.  In fact, I can't remember the last time I actually hand wrote a letter, can you?  Which brings me to email.  Although email doesn't have a creaky old metal box with outlandishly growing lantana around it, I still get a thrill every time I open it up.  I get tons of junk, spam from friends, lots of updates for this and that and then the surprises.  Man, I love those surprises.  And lately, I've been getting a lot of email love surprises from my blog readers.  So tonight, feeling a bit sappy after just reading a good one, I thought and say "thanks" to all of you.  For being here, loving this little blog and loving me.  I cherish you all.  Just like little red Mommy bird above with her babies, I try to bring you a piece of the nest a few times a week in hopes of nourishing your creative soul.  I know writing these entries fills mine.  As the sentiment above states, cherish them......and I really do.  xo J

So How Did We Get From Point A to B?

This morning I needed to put a new logo on a disc to have a banner made for the Decatur Art Show this weekend.  I don't disc much.  I usually email files and the back up drive holds everything important.  So I had to search for a disc.  I eventually found one, put it in my computer and up pops all these files already on the disc.  Dang.  But wait, what are these files....labeled fun kid spring pics.  Oh....my......goodness.  Seriously?  How did we get from this cute round pudgy face that was ALWAYS dirty?

 To this?????

And how did this adorable kid who ALWAYS had a ball and bat in his hand (he would say "ball in the eye Mom, ball in the eye"....instead of "eye on the ball")......

 Turn into this young man with a home run ball in hand?

Yes, getting from point A to point B has been an unbelieveable journey. Billy and I began the journey as parents when William was born 11 years ago.  And this year, we are hitting a milestone with his entering Middle School.  As a family we have evolved into more than I ever imagined we would.  This week,  I've been holding the threads of our tightly woven nest tighter than ever.  Fighting for what is best for my family and thanking God for allowing me the opportunity to raise such wonderful children.  They are so different.....yet I can not imagine them being any other way than how they are.  Which in my eyes is completely amazing.

When you see the work I've been doing this week I think you'll understand how I've been feeling about these two lately.  As I photographed all the work today I stood back and grinned.......their spirits were definitely with me, guiding me through many of the compositions.  I suppose in a way it's my therapy.   I'll channel their creative spirits any day.....yep, sure will.

Paging Dr. MG......Paging Dr. MG

FIRST, tomorrow you must come to my blog!  Cool things revealed and a give away!!  Well, cool to me anyways and I am thinking you'll like them too :). 

But today, since my internet has been most unkind to me for a week, I finally have a cute Mailey story to share.  Oh how I love being her Mother.  So Friday night Mailey and I had the house to ourselves.  I was pooped for some reason so mostly I laid on the couch in and out of sleep.  She kept coming in and asking for things like, "Mom, where's the white string?  Mom, where's the tape?  Mom, where are the band aids again? Mom, where are the safety goggles?"  etc.  Finally she came in and said, "I'm all ready now."  OK.  For what?  "Surgery Mom.  Pinkie has a hole in her heart and I'm about to fix it.  Want to watch?"  Um yeah, can I bring my camera?  "Sure"  So here are just a few of the pictures I took of Pinkie's heart surgery:

As you can see her heart did indeed have a  large black hole in it.  This is Dr. MG putting Pinkie to sleep.  (with the cap to my water bottle)

And here she is performing miracle open heart surgery with the hottest new tools in medicine, patterned pencils.

Here's a view of the surgical center (my bathroom).  I tried to point out some things on the photo. Seriously guys, I don't know where she gets some of her ideas from.  The wrapping paper box IV stand, heart monitor, and wii remote?  Man, she is totally going to be inventing something one day HUGE.  There were many more steps in the surgery including using my GAP artist perfume for cleansing, cleaning of the wound with q-tips, listening over and over with her scope, etc.  It was really fun to watch.  In hindsight I should have videoed it.  Could have been a Utube sensation!

And here is Pinkie all bandages up and ready for the recovery room.  As you can see, she is still hooked up to the IV for careful monitoring over night.

The next patient was Africa, a wild elephant who had a broken nose.  Here once again we are putting the animal to sleep.  She was not just a doctor for animals Friday night either.  American Girl Doll Kit had glass removed from her foot which required 6 stitches and birdie had paper removed from her eye from the owners who were carelessly shredding paper too close to her cage.   Yep, they all had a story.  So that night they all slept in the recovery room off the surgery center.  Unfortunately, the center had to be moved to her room the next day.....we did need to use the potty at some point.  :)  Today she made the den a GIANT kitchen.  Haven't gotten photos of it yet, but I really wish my stove was as big as the one she made out of a box.  Yep, always an adventure in this house!

Hope to see you back here tomorrow!!  Enjoy your Monday.

What is Calling You?

I've been thinking about this post since Wednesday night, debating whether I should share these thoughts.  But since I tend to share the most authentic side of myself here....in other words I tend to spill my heart out right here on this little Dell, I decided to.  So this is about motherhood and what is calling you.  Wednesday night we had the opportunity to have dinner out at camp with the girls.  I rode with two girlfriends whom I've know for I guess 4 years.  We are from totally different walks of life, have totally different careers, and yet because of the bond our children share, we've built a bond.  I really love these women.  Really.  There's something about this friendship that always leaves me feeling fuzzy inside. 

On the way to camp they were both saying how much they missed the girls, hated they couldn't call them, etc... I was sitting in the back seat cutting out a million butterflies for my booth at the flea thinking, man....I don't miss Mailey the way they are missing their girls.  Is something wrong with me???? 

OK, now let me rephrase this.  I miss her in a sense that she's not here to fill my room with her roller coaster emotions.  She's not here to be cuddled and held at night.  She's not here to tell her stories.  She's not here for me to see her adorable freckles and giant new front teeth. 

So later that night after a wonderful visit with Mailey, who by the way was having the time of her life, I began to feel even more sure that my not missing her was a very, very good thing.  We have a very loving home life, don't get me wrong.  I'm not ready for them to head out the door to college anytime soon.  We are all hugs, kisses, I love you's, you're awesome saying type of family unit.  Billy takes William to play golf, I take Mailey to art things.  We do things together and we do things apart.  But we are also independent of our children and are trying to raise them to be the same.  Does this make sense?  Billy and I have well-rounded lives which include both family, friends and children.  They do not only revolve around our children and their lives.  Now Mailey and her apron strings was definitely in question for this trip.  But I knew in my heart that she was ready and that the "don't leave me" pulls would not be present.  And they weren't.  Because I know her, and she knows me.  And she knows that Mommy was going to be working this week towards her dream (which we talk about ALL the time) and that Daddy would be doing his usual working as well.  

So what is calling me?  I know I was called to be Mother.  I wanted a little one so bad I couldn't stand it.  We waited 6 years before we had William.  And Motherhood has been very fulfilling.  But I have other needs in my heart as well.  Now the trick is trying to balance all those needs.  Knowing when to put some needs aside while others are meet.  I often look at the success of other artists and notice a huge trend....many of the ones with bigger careers, bigger sales, etc have waited on family.  I know family takes a large chunk of my day and energy.  But I wouldn't have it ANY OTHER WAY.  Because without them, my art would not be as meaningful and this career would not be fulfilling.  Sharing it with them is what makes me complete. 

So this morning I am quickly finishing loose ends so that the afternoon can be devoted to hearing all about camp life.  Also, I can't wait to show Mailey my new paintings, I love to see her reactions and she's very honest.  And possibly help her finish the telephone painting she started before leaving.  Yep.  It's all good here in the Horne house.  And as much as all being apart this week was good for us, getting back together will be even better.

Trust and Patience

OK.  So the silver lining came.  And here's how the conversation went.  Let me set the situation up first:  I am in my bathroom doing a clean out of the linen closet and my junk jewelry (I told you my cleaning was not normal and was like therapy!), and William was on my bed.  Actually come to think of it, William never left my bed ALL day.  Like I said, he was tired.  So I decide to broach the subject and say, "William, may I ask why you said this morning that Mommy doesn't work?"  "What Mom?"  "Why when on my computer this morning did you say that I don't work?" "Well, you know......you don't have an OFFICE like Daddy does.  And you don't get in your car to go to work real early like Daddy does."  "But William I do work, really hard in my studio painting, making jewelry and other stuff. And what about my teaching art classes, is that not work to you?"  "Well yeah, but Mom, that's FUN work.  Dad's isn't fun."  "OH....."  So I kind of dropped the subject at that point and smiled to myself.  Turns out, Daddy's work is boring and my work is fun.  And by my not having an office, I don't really "work".  And I suppose on some level I agree with him.  I can not even imagine getting up and going to a 9 to 5 job.  Of course if I did, I am sure it would be something I'd trained for and enjoyed, like Billy does.  He really likes his work, and it makes enough money that I get to have my "FUN" job.

So my "How to Grow Love" painting above was one of my favorites.  I took a close-up of this part because honestly trust and patience are on top of the list right now for me.  Yesterday was a true test to both of those.  I don't even think it needs any explaining.  Yep.  We are all good here in this little nest today.  I'm about to meet my trainer for a muscle beating, then come home to a super clean house only to land myself right here to work on a few new paintings.  I can't wait to show you my newest truck under a willow tree.  Oh man.....!  See you later, and hope you have a great day!

Feeling Caged In

Ok folks.  This is not a happy Jenni post.  Seriously.  I am feeling a little caged in today.  My creative bones are aching to work and yet I feel like I am in slow motion.  The house feels upside down and the kids are acting like caged monkeys.  How do I balance it all?  I know one missing link, my exercise routine is zero, which is a big part of who I am now.  Taking that away, or rather not finding the time to, is not in my best interest.  And then this morning William said something so hurtful to me......that I am having a hard time wrapping my heart around it.  sigh....perhaps that's when the whole word felt like a giant cage.  He was in selfish mode....wanting to "do something today"and I asked him for 5 uninterrupted minutes to work.  And he said, "you don't work Mom."  Yep.  Biggest dagger you can fly at an artsy Mom. 

So for now I am in a major cleaning mode.  You see that's what I do when feeling stressed like this.  BTW, since saying those words, he's also pouted about no food in the house, being bored, and other little 10 year old boy issues.  In other words, he's tired.  And we've got a long day to go.  8PM baseball tournament game tonight.  I'm going to keep listening to what my heart tells me though and mush on (and bite my tongue).  Maybe, just maybe, there will be a silver lining to this day.  Maybe.

Counting Blessings

This morning I really should be painting or working on jewelry or plastering puffy hearts.  But alas no, I am staring at pictures of these two and counting my many blessings:

Summer can on occasion be a struggle for Moms. Especially those that work from home, like me. To my kids, the work I do is fun and they want to be under foot the entire time. Which I don't mind when I'm doing some projects. They help out for a bit and then get tired and move on. I engage them in activities during the day that they want as well so we all are equally stimulated. Billy wakes me as he leaves which as a general rule gives me about 2 hours before the kiddos stir (they are late sleepers, yeah!).  But other parts of the day when I am about to BURST with creative energy sometimes gets put aside.  sigh....  This morning though as I was flipping through pictures I just couldn't help but think of this quote:

"We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives."  -Dan Zaldra

So count your blessings today, and take time to thank those that make your day complete.  My kiddos, well although they are totally clueless that they do this,  make the biggest difference in my creative life and continue to mold me into the woman I am.

"Mommy can we make.....?"

So yes, I am one of those Moms. When my children want to make cookies, we make cookies. When they want to swing, we swing. When they want to make art, we make art. Of course I do say no as well on occasion. But honestly, these requests are what build their childhood memories. Memories that I treasure as well. So yesterday Mailey asked if we could make a bunny. Hummmm....The first attempt was without a pattern using vintage chenille. Major disaster and frustration. She was like, "Mommy we can just try again tomorrow." And I was hoping she'd forget. Fat chance. So today, after we had a filling re-filled in her little toothy we hit Wal-mart and picked friendly fabric, a bunny pattern and very important buttons. Of course I had to adapt the pattern. It calls for use of one fabric and simply four cut pieces (easy peasy if I'd followed the pattern). We wanted different fabrics for the ears, arms, legs and body. So I manuvered this request pretty well.

My little blue bird monitored the progress. Mailey decided she needed a "break" and took off to snap every odd corner of the house with my camera. Seriously, I may have to share the unique angle at which she photographed our home at some point.

Here's the end result after 3 hours that seemed to fly by. I had to say no to a game of horse with William only about 100 times. I am sure that will be tomorrow's activity. Anyhoo, super cute bunny I think, and Mailey is in love. His name is "Snuggie".

Close-up of the funny details. Since she's not at risk for swallowing we added button eyes, nose, whiskers and a funny tail. I know you are asking yourself, will Jenni be making more of these to sell? That answer is simply and most definately, "no." But thanks for asking. Have a creative night!