State of Being

I've got so much to say and talk about but honestly, right this second, words are escaping me. It's early Friday morning. Yes. And I'm flat out beyond tired. And in speaking with many of my teacher friends....so are they. In fact, we all opened up this week about our lack of desire to do ANYTHING after school these days. I thought I was weird, and a complete anti-social poop head for my complete and utter inability to socialize on any level after the hours of 4PM. But turns out I am not alone. Pretty much every teacher and office staff person I've spoken to wants nothing to do with anyone after school. Like don't touch or speak to me. None of us have time or energy for friends, talking on the phone or other social engagements. We are exhausted. I wake up and look in the mirror and hardly recognize myself. I don't mean to be such a  negative nelly.....but telling the truth here is what I do. So those of you who know me and wonder why I have fallen off the earth.....THIS IS WHY. It's not personal. It's not you. It's the 450 kids I teach. It's the constantly asking kids to stop, be quiet, don't say that, don't touch them, WHY ARE you doing THAT?, what did you just say, let's clean up the 100th water spill, let's make a snowman covered in glitter, paint on my clothes again, you need me to do what, stop talking so I can give instruction, daily routine that I wake up and repeat 5 days a week. That might be killing me slowly. Like poison in my coffee.

I love my faculty here. They are my lifeline to sanity. The fact that we are all so honest with one another about the state of our mental being is refreshing in a whack way. 10 days plus the one I am currently in and then we get to recharge. We ALL need the break. Parents....please....please....please...I beg of you.....pray for your child's teacher. Pray for the kids in their classes. Pray for the entire school. Because literally it is the only thread holding us together right now. Prayer. I have so much more to say about the state of education right now. But need to move on. And get to school. To teach 450 beautiful children the joy of art making. I do love my job. But wonder how we as educators can continue to thrive in the current environment in which we are allowed to teach. The state may need to invest in therapists for each school. Just for teachers that is. Or massage therapists. That'd be nice too. Ha.ha. ha. No really.


Artsy Matilda said...

Sweet Jenni,
Love & prayer headed your way!

Felicia said...

Hang in there - the Christmas break is coming. Miss your blogs but you need to think of yourself and recharge.
Hope it gets better for you soon!

jenart said...

My heart goes out to you.... I am feeling exactly the same way and these words could've come out of my heart!! I am also an art teacher in Cape Town, South Africa. I too have no social life, am exhausted beyond words and try and explain to family that being with children each day is a different kind of exhaustion - only a teacher can understand. I too love my job, love the kids but WOW.... its hard :) We have a 6 week summer break now and boy I have earned it!! HEARTFELT HUGS to all teacher out there - wherever in the world you are....

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