After I got on the other side of illustrating the book about Clementine and Penelope there was a huge shift in my brain that could no longer be ignored. I was so stressed and angry with the project for some reason. And I couldn't figure it out. It wasn't the subject, or Dallas, or any of that. It was ME. I had this crazy unsettled-ness about me that honestly I could not shake. The book, the marathon training that didn't happen, computer issues, financial issues, teaching too much, taxi cabbing too much, friends, finding out more about tests from being so sick in the spring....I broke. No really broke in to tiny pieces all over the place. My husband actually asked me one day point blank, "Do you want a divorce? Because nothing about you says you want to be a part of this anymore." Talk about a wake up call. Yep. That'll do it. So I cried, we talked, and the wall came down. I told him many things. He told me many things. We're all good now by the way...that subject is off limits from blogging about. I just wanted you to have the BIG picture as to why such big changes on the blog.
Change...change is a good thing. It is. But too much change for my little sensitive soul evidently takes a toll. And some of it has a way of revealing itself long after the change has been made. Long story short, and those of you that have been on this journey for awhile know that basically I put the brakes on my career as an artist to go back to work full-time as an art teacher. It was a job I couldn't pass up because it got me back in the classroom, where I really want to be. At the time we were moving into a new house from our first house of 16 years. I had a full show schedule that year planned and went ahead and did it. The next year I paired down the shows since year 1 back to work teaching and doing shows near about killed me. Then last school year I got sick. I sometimes thought I was going to die sick. And now we are here. 2.5 years into teaching full-time. There's much more back story with this, and so much I've personally struggled with over the years in regards to being an artist, teacher, wife, Mommy and friend. Honestly, I have a very hard time juggling it all. Beating myself up about it to a point that I kinda shut the world off. And that's where I was with Billy and life just a few months ago.
And then I bought a little book. It's called, Jesus Calling. Every morning I wake, get coffee and go back into my dressing room where I've comfy vintage velvet chair and read. It's a short devotional book. At the end are verses that direct you a little more if you like. I've not talked about my beliefs here on the blog. They are mine...ones with which I don't want scrutinized or judged. But I know with all my heart that this book and this new routine has given me new energy and a new perspective on life. It has brought balance back to this chaotic life. It's amazing what 15 minutes a day in positive word will do.
Okay...marathon post...sorry. But lastly, one of the things I've been angry about was not having a website. It was something I've always wanted as a way to set myself up as a professional artist. I love to blog, but honestly, this site is making my heart just flutter! And it was easy. Like really the only snafoo I had was a file Tiffin kept trying to send to me that her computer and my computer didn't communicate very well about. It got humorous. Oh and she was sending it to me because in the middle of this entire website building my computer bit the dust! And I stayed calm. No lie. It all came together seamlessly. So.....now that you probably have to go to the bathroom because I've kept ya so long, please hop on over to my new site and tell me whatcha think! The link is here. And the flower logo on the sidebar jumps there too. I'm not crazy about this new blog banner. I usually have to sleep on a blog banner for some reason before it hits me what to do. I really want this to be artsyorange's spot. But I am very...very excited to have the website finished. Enjoy!! And again, thanks for being a special part of my creative journey.
2 comments:
Jenni......your website looks fantastic!!! Way to go , girl!
Hugs, chris
I can SO relate to this!! THANK YOU for sharing your story. xoxo
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