Hearts and Jobs
Billy and I had a "date night" Saturday since Mailey was at a Girl Scout camp out and William was at the Coutny fair. Honestly I can't remember the last time we did this. Time alone that is. We went to our favorite restaurant called Beirut and actually sat outside (So I was literally outside from 7:30 am when I started my run until bedtime Saturday. Awesome). They serve yummy authentic Lebanese food. It is amazing food. I could live somewhere far off and eat happily. American food is just not my favorite. Anyhoo.....during the course of our dinner I expressed some of my anxieties about not getting to be an artist right now. I told him about a bunch of opportunities I had to sell my work recently but had to turn them all down because I just don't have any extra time to devote to anything. I love teaching but I'm having serious stress out moments over not getting to make art. I whined about there not being enough hours in the day. That weekends the kids are just so needy lately. Wanting to constantly be entertained. And that's when he said it. "Then quit. Quit talking about it and quit. Be an artist. Do it." I was a tad taken back. But not really. He's always been my biggest supporter. With every crazy idea I've had he's never said NO....or why don't we think about that....or question my ability. Instead he's always said what needed to be said. Do it. He may not say much about much. But when I need him to tell me the truth, he does it.
Then the rational side of me said to him that financially I have to teach right now for the regular salary. We moved into the new house and I took the job to keep Mailey in her school. But in the end, once he quit the legislature my working became a neccessity. BUT...BUT....if he would help us stay on track with our finances and ifn we were to add more to savings I could do it. He then threw out the "Don't you make more money as an artist anyways?" The painful truth is yes. But there is this huge thing. I love teaching too. It brings me crazy joy. This year has been the absolute best year yet. It's like 3 years is the magic time to be in a school and get comfy and the kids get comfy and us all become a happy family. So I am NOT quitting teaching. But I am thinking and long term planning about my future. I'm kinda tired of whining about what I'm not getting to do. Some pretty heavy decisions will need to be made. But I've got an entire school year to decide. In the meantime, I'll sneak painting and jewelry making into my weekend routines when I can. I'll continue to dream about the future. Because I see really big things there. As much support and love you guys have shown me over the years here in blogworld I have a feeling if I were to take the leap you'd be right there ready to support my decision.